Home is where the heart is
by Cheynee
Summary: Coming of age tale about love, pain and learning to accept both.


Chapter 1 - Isabelle

The wind was cool against her skin as she watched the clouds threaten to swallow the sun whole.

The cold didn't bother her though in fact she barely felt anything but the presence of loss that filled her.

"What are you doing out here? It's cold."

Isabelle spun around to face her mum then shrugged and turned away.

Warm arms wrapped around her shoulders. "Are you still sulking?"

"I just don't understand why we have to leave now."

There was a deep sigh behind her. "We've gone through this a hundred times. This is your father's career."

Isabella spun around. "And this is my life that you are ruining! Mum, I have two years left of school, why can't just we wait until then?"

"You're being incredibly selfish," her mum whispered. "You'll make new friends, you're not missing anything."

Tears threatened to fall as Isabella met her mum's stare. "I like the friends I have! Listen mum I'm not over reacting; I will be starting in term two, those kids will already have their own friendship groups, their own formal partners. I will be the new kid forced to go stag to formal and high school is brutal enough if you won't wait until I finish school why can't you wait until I finish the year?"

"That's enough! This move is happening and that's the last I want to hear about it. Dinner is almost ready and you'll catch a cold out here, come inside."

She turned her back on her mum so she wouldn't see her cry. "Yeah, soon."

With an exhausted sigh her mum left her to watch as light slowly gave way to the darkness and Isabelle let the tears slowly break away from her composure.

"So, your brilliant plan of persuading your mum with attitude didn't work out huh?"'

Isabelle smiled at her best friend Tate as he grinned at her mockingly.

"I am shocked, I mean the plan was flawless!"

Isabelle smacked him lightly against the chest as his green eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Shut up, I never said it was a brilliant plan."

Tate slung his arm around her shoulders lazily as he directed them towards the school's gates.

"You'll be fine you know," he said suddenly serious. "You always are."

Isabelle raised her hazel eyes to meet the earnest green that were staring at her.

"You don't get it; everyone loves you."

"Well, they're only human."

"Tate, I am being serious. I'm not going to fit in and I'm going to spend the rest of my high school life an outcast and miserable. I feel like I'm drowning every time I walk into my room with the boxes strewn about."

Tate stopped and grabbed her shoulders. "How long have we been best friends for?"

Isabelle smiled. "Our whole lives."

"Exactly, which means I know you better than anyone. I know that you are honest, kind hearted, funny and incredibly easy to love. You'll do great ok?"

Isabelle sighed. "Ok."

"Good, now enough of this pity party, we have some work we need to pretend to do."

Isabelle smiled brightly and allowed Tate to tow her away.

"I hear you're leaving."

Every fibre in her body froze.

"Yes, she is." Tate said coldly, trying more forcefully to move her.

"Wait, I just want to talk to her,"

That voice. How is she ever going to forget that voice? Or the smile? Or the way he used to make her feel?

Tears threatened to fall again.

Jason grabbed her arm and pulled her away from Tate so that she tripped and landed right into his arms.

"Let go of her!"

"I just need five minutes," he begged.

Isabelle looked at Tate and nodded slightly.

"Five minutes," Tate said woodenly and then walked away from ear shot but still close enough to keep an eye out.

"Stevens is getting on my nerves," Jason growled as he glared over at Tate.

"Leave him alone," she whispered, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Are you two together now? Stevens finally push out of the friend circle?"

"You're wasting your five minutes."

Jason sighed deeply. "Sorry, I'm not doing this right. How long do you have left?"

"Two weeks,"

"So just finishing up this term?"

"Yes,"

Silence spread between them and Isabelle fought hard with every nerve in her body to stay calm and not let him see how every second she was near him but not allowed to touch him a part of her died,

"I… I didn't think I would be so… I mean I didn't realise…"

"That you cared?" Isabelle snapped.

"Well…yeah."

"I don't know if you realise this Jason but it's too late for you to care,"

"We still have two weeks, babe… come on,"

"Stop it," she whispered. "You don't get to call me that, not anymore."

"Hey, I know I hurt you and I'm sorry…"

"Hurt me?" Isabelle said her voice raised. "Jason, you destroyed me. I wouldn't have sex with you and so you discarded me like I was a toy you'd grown tired of."

"That's in the past, I don't know why we can't just move on from that it was three months ago,"

"It's not in the past you idiot, it's my every living moment and I can't wait to be rid of you."

Jason stepped back like she'd slapped him. "You don't mean that. You're just upset."

"I think time's up,"

Isabelle looked up at Tate gratefully.

"Goodbye Jason,"

"No wait!"

Tate stood in between the two of them with his arms crossed. "What now Abrams?"

"I'm…I'm throwing a party next weekend to celebrate the end of school, I want you to come."

He eyed Tate bitterly.

"Both of you."

"We'll be busy," Tate said firmly.

"It's at my place, starts at nine on Saturday." He looked past Tate to meet Isabelle's eyes. "I just want a chance to say a proper goodbye, just think about it ok?"

Before anyone could reply Jason walked back to his friends.

Tate whipped around and pulled Isabelle into his arms.

"Let's go to class,"

"You're not going to ask if I'm ok?" she asked shakily.

He eyed her incredulously. "What would be the point? I know you're not."

Isabelle nodded and then slowly the tears came and she hated herself for the weakness.

To Tate's credit he didn't even acknowledge the tears or that Isabelle was slowly breaking apart in front of him. Instead he just took her arm and pulled her along.

"Tate, we just passed maths, where are we going?"

"You're heading home," he said factually. "I'll cover for you."

"I'll get in trouble."

"It's the last two weeks of school, we've had our exams and big tests, it's just the assignments left which I know you've already handed in early so just take a break ok?"

"Why are you so good to me Tate?"

"We're family," he said as he pushed her hair behind her ears. "That means we've got to stick together."

Isabella hugged Tate close. "I love you."

She felt him tense slightly, then return her hug. "You too, kiddo. Now get out of here."

Isabelle smiled and then turned and started to walk home, with all the memories and wounds that have not yet healed whirling around in her head.

How did it all change so fast? Hadn't she been deliriously happy just a few months ago? Hadn't she felt beautiful and free? Hadn't she felt alive?

She sighed deeply. It was all gone now. Everything was gone.

All she had left were broken memories and Tate.

Tate. God, she was so lucky to have him. If he hadn't been by her side these past few months helping her pick up the pieces she doubted she'd even have survived to this point.

Jason talking to her today had confused and delighted her. Maybe he regretted everything after all? What was that saying? You don't know what you've got until it's gone?

A small smile played at her lips, maybe she could turn this around and the reunion she'd been imagining for months could finally become a reality.

As she got inside her house she felt significantly more hopeful as the beginnings of a plan started to form.

"So, you're really going to do this?" Tate asked as he lay on her bed.

Isabelle brushed her long blonde hair for the hundredth time in the mirror.

"_We're_ going to do this,"

Obsessively she tugged at her skirt, wondering if she should change her outfit for the tenth time.

Tate got up and placed his hands on hers.

"Stop it, you look fine. I don't think it's your beauty that's in question right now, but rather your sanity."

Isabelle rolled her eyes.

"This is closure Tate, can't you just be supportive?"

"Not when it involves that douche."

She turned and put her hands on his shoulders. "Come on, we'll go for one hour ok? And if you really hate it then I promise I'll leave with you and we can just watch movies instead."

He eyed her suspiciously. "One hour?"

"One."

"And if I really hate it you'll leave?"

"I promise."

He put his hand through his messy brown hair. "Alright fine."

Isabelle beamed at him. "Thank you!"

He raised his hands. "Just to be clear I am doing this because my dad and yours would be furious if I let you go alone."

"You're the best," she beamed and went back to primping.

Tate rolled his eyes and flopped back on the bed, an air of anxiety radiating off him. "We're going to be late if you keep staring at yourself,"

"I don't want to get there too early," Isabelle said.

"Why?"

"I can't be too eager, can I?"

Tate shook his head. "I will never understand women."

Isabelle ignored him and just stared at her reflection, knowing that with her curves and unusual hazel eyes she wasn't classically beautiful but maybe tonight she could be enough to get noticed.

"Alright, we're going."

Isabelle spun around. "What? I told you I wasn't ready to go yet."

"We're not going to the party yet," he said as he opened her door.

"Well, where are we going then?"

He pushed her out the door, grabbing her bag as he went.

"We, are going to get some dinner and enjoy our last full weekend together. Is that ok with you?"

Isabella linked her arms with his. "Sounds perfect to me."

A few hours later they got to the party and Isabelle instantly regretted getting there two hours late.

Everyone was already so drunk or stoned and Isabelle was so intensely sober that she felt completely out of place.

"You still want to go in?" Tate whispered behind her.

A steady resolve burned in her stomach.

"Yeah, let's go get a drink."

Tate raised his eyebrows but said nothing as he followed her into the throng of kids.

Isabelle pulled two cruisers out of the eski at the back of the party and handed one to Tate.

"You know, I'm going to miss this."

"Drunk idiots grinding against each other in a sweaty mass?"

She laughed. "No. Just being around with people, having you here with me always. I'm going to miss feeling like I have a place."

He nudged her gently. "You'll always have a place and you're always going to have me. Our dad's have been best friends since kindy that sort of means we're stuck in each other's lives."

"You could always convince them to come with us?"

He barked out a laugh. "Yeah, right."

Isabelle sighed and gestured over to a log where they could sit.

"Yeah, I know. So, see anything you like?"

Tate looked around the party where various girls were already half dressed and attached to different guys or giggling in groups.

"Oh yeah, so much class to choose from."

"I resent that!"

Isabelle looked up to Sylvia and Hannah standing over them with their hands on their hips.

Tate raised his hands in surrender. "I didn't mean you!"

Sylvie sat on Tate's knee as Hannah perched next to Isabelle.

"So, you came,"

Isabelle looked at Hannah in confusion. "Why wouldn't I? It's a good chance to say goodbye to everyone."

Sylvia smirked. "It wouldn't have anything to do with the party host would it?"

Isabelle tried to shrug casually. "No, I'm here for you guys."

Hannah snorted. "Cute but such a lie."

"Yeah come on Belle, did you honestly think that anyone would believe you didn't come here for Jason?"

Isabelle didn't have a comeback. She was totally busted.

"He's been asking for you all night," Hannah whispered.

Isabelle whipped around to face her. "He has?"

She smirked back. "Yep."

"Ok…cool."

Hannah laughed. "He's in the kitchen."

"I didn't ask."

"You didn't have to."

Isabelle smiled shyly. "Ok, I guess I did come because I wanted to…I don't know…"

"One last steamy night together?"

Isabelle stiffened. "No, I've never… we never…"

"He dumped her because she didn't want to give it up," Tate said harshly. "And if he thinks that he can have a free pass now because Isabelle's leaving then he's dumber than I thought."

"Whoa, feel the hate!" Sylvia crooned.

Isabelle patted Tate's leg. "Don't be nasty Tate, that's not why he called me here."

"Then why did he?"

Isabelle opened her mouth and then closed it. She honestly didn't know.

Sylvia wrapped her arms around Tate's shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Don't be so grumpy, let the girl have some fun."

She got up and tugged him to his feet. "Come on, I want to dance."

He sighed. "Well I can't deny a beautiful girl one dance,"

Sylvie grinned broadly. "You think I'm beautiful huh?"

He shrugged. "Aren't you?"

Isabelle watched Sylvie pull Tate away and took a long sip of her drink.

"Why aren't you off dancing too?" she asked Hannah.

Hannah rested her head on her shoulder. "I can't leave you alone, I've got to take advantage of all my Isabelle time I have left."

Isabelle grinned. "Do you really think I'm going to be missed?"

Hannah raised her eyebrows. "Are you kidding? Everyone is going to miss you and when you get to your new lame school, I'm sure everyone there will love you too."

"I really hope so."

"I think you're lucky," Hannah told her firmly.

"Lucky?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah, you get to completely reinvent yourself. You get a fresh slate there. No one knows you, no one knows any of your history, you get the chance to create new history. I think that's pretty amazing."

Isabelle smiled softly. "I've never thought about it that way."

"That's because you're so negative! You need to get out of the funk Jason put you in and start living again."

Isabelle nodded as Hannah went on one of her tirade's about the importance of living life while you were young, but kept her eye on the party, frantically searching the faces.

"Looking for me?"

Both girls jumped as Jason chuckled and roughed their hair up.

"I spent an hour straightening that," Hannah snapped turning around and smacking him over the head.

He smiled and raised his hands. "I am very sorry for wrecking your hair."

Hannah glared at him. "Now I need to go and fix myself up, no one's going to want me when I'm like this!"

"I'll take care of Isabelle while you do that,"

Hannah looked between the two of them as if trying to weigh something up.

"It's fine," Isabelle told her quietly.

Hannah glared at Jason fiercely. "I won't be gone long."

"I'm not going to hurt her."

Hannah laughed humourlessly. "You already have."

"Be careful," she told Isabelle firmly before sauntering away.

"She hates me," Jason said simply as he took a seat next to her.

"She loves me," Isabelle replied.

Jason nodded. "And I hurt you, I get it."

Isabelle let the silent drift between them, the tension saying the words they couldn't themselves say.

"I miss you," he whispered softly.

Isabelle kept her eyes down, weighing up if she was dreaming or not.

"Isy? Did you hear me?"

His hand landed clumsily on her bare knee. "I miss you."

She faced him then and took in his handsome face and unfocused eyes. "You're drunk."

"Doesn't mean it's not true."

"Jason…"

"No stop. Just stop ok? I just want to be with you ok?"

"Be with me?" she whispered.

"Just for tonight can we drop the bullshit and just hang out?"

He tilted her chin up with his finger, hands gentle on her face.

"Come inside and we'll talk ok?"

Isabelle looked over to where Tate was laughing as Sylvia danced around him provocatively.

"I've just gotta tell Tate where I'm going ok?" she told him getting up to move towards her friends.

Jason grabbed her arm and pulled her back a little more forcefully than she expected.

"Don't worry about that," he crooned as he gestured to his friends. "I'll take care of it."

He turned and whispered to his friends who looked surprised but then smirked at Isabelle and with a nod walked away.

"The boys are going to take care of it for us. Come on, we'll head to my room and we can watch a movie, talk, whatever you want."

Isabelle hesitated, torn between the two guys in her life but with a final tug from Jason she gave in and followed him back inside.

"I don't want you to leave," he purred as he shuffled closer and closer to her.

Isabelle stiffened. "Jason, you're drunk."

"You're sexy," he whispered as his lips pressed against her cheek.

"We've been gone awhile, I've gotta get back to Tate."

His hands grabbed her waist hard for a moment but then quickly relaxed.

"I just want to be with you, I've missed you so much."

His hands pushed at her skirt as his lips moved sloppily on her neck.

"Jason, what are you doing?" she asked her voice starting to hitch. "I don't want this."

"Sure you do baby," he slurred, smacking away her hands that struggled to push him away.

"No," she said her voice thick. "I don't. Get off me I want to go home,"

"Just relax," he purred. "Let me give you you're going away gift."

"No," she cried, kicking out from under him so that her knee hit his stomach. "Is that what this is about? You…you get to just get what you want and then I leave so there's no strings attached? Tate was right about you."

"You bitch," he snarled, one hand still pressed to his stomach.

Fear pressed down on her and cut off her voice as his hands, now rough yanked hard on her shirt until it ripped.

Hot tears fell relentlessly down her face as she struggled uselessly and shook her head backwards and forwards.

This is not how she had envisioned her first time. Crying, terrified with rough hands pulling at her clothes as the hard floor dug into her back.

He was going to do it, he was going to take everything from her; the one thing of hers she had left and he was going to tear it away from her just as he had done her heart, her soul and her light.

"Jason, please," she managed to choke. "Not like this,"

He stopped and stared down at her; his eyes black pools of emptiness looking right through her.

"You made it this way," he told her coolly.

Noise from the party picked up and Isabelle heard footsteps come closer.

This was it; this was her last chance.

"Help!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Someone please help me!"

It came from nowhere. One minute she was screaming and the next her voice had been cut off and she was choking on blood as a fist came down on her face.

"Shut up!" he screamed. "Are you stupid? Shut up!"

The hits stopped as he watched her with blind fury, panting.

"Why'd you make me do that?" he whispered, shame colouring his cheeks.

This was it; it was her only chance and she needed to take it.

With a deep breath she gathered all the energy she had left and hit him hard in the nose so that he reared back.

Scrambling to her feet she kicked him in the groin to make sure he wouldn't follow her and then she ran on her shaky legs out of the room and back into the party where everyone was oblivious to what had almost happened.

"Belle?"

Isabelle ignored Tate's voice, too ashamed to turn around and ran as fast as she could manage outside and down the street.

She didn't stop until she was nearly home and she could no longer see with blood and tears streaming down her face.

How was she ever going to be able to face her parents like this? There would be questions, questions she wasn't willing to answer, that would break her completely if she had to relive.

"Isabelle!"

She froze as she heard Tate's voice in the distance screaming to her.

Fresh tears wet her cheeks and she began to feel anxious and trapped.

She pulled out her phone and checked the time. One in the morning.

She turned towards Tate then back to her house weighing up her options. With only a moments hesitation she ran towards her house praying her parents were fast asleep.

With shaking hands she turned her key in the door and barely made it inside before she heard the footsteps approaching.

Luckily everything was dark and her parents were no where to be found.

Leaving all the lights off and just relying on her phone for light Isabelle made her way to the bathroom, waiting until the door was softly shut before she turned on the light then turned her phone off before Tate could bombard her with calls.

Her whole body shook as she worked up the courage to turn around.

_You can do this, just take a deep breath and then you can work out the damage control._

Giving herself until three she slowly turned around to face her reflection and had to grip the counter so that she didn't fall down.

A mess of blood and ruined mascara stared back at her with a fat lip, swollen eye and bruises spreading around her neck and face. She wrapped her arms around her chest to try and keep from shattering apart.

How was she going to hide this from her parents?

Slowly pulling her clothes off her aching body she turned the shower on and stepped under the hot jets of water, letting the liquid run over the body washing away the filth that she felt imbedded in her pores.

The sobs came one after the other and wracked her entire body until she was lying on the floor convulsing and biting her fist so she didn't scream the house down.

After about an hour the water started to turn cold and Isabelle slowly got to her feet, turned the water off and wrapped the warm fluffy towel around her body and then turned back to the mirror.

Her eye was still swollen and the bruises were still forming but with the blood washed off she didn't look like she'd been hit by a truck anymore, in fact Isabelle was confident that she could pass it off like she tried to break up a fight and got caught in the middle of it all.

Maybe she could even pretend like every part of her wasn't falling apart and that she was broken, possibly even ruined. Maybe when she moved to her new school she could just pretend to be someone else so that she didn't have to feel the agony of being her.


End file.
